Thursday, July 7

coming clean

I'm sorry for the unpredictability of my posts lately. I'd pitch you one excuse after another (running late! too busy! shark attack! zombie apocalypse!) but I know in my heart of hearts that the real reason why I haven't been as compelled to post lately is because -- ugh, how do I make this sound as non-melodramatic as possible? -- I just don't feel good about myself, gosh darn it.

I've long struggled with self-esteem problems, just like any other member of the female sex. Even though I've lost 10 pounds, my self-esteem is still in the pits. It's incredibly frustrating to not be able to fit into my favorite clothes, and incredibly frustrating to feel so limited by my own wardrobe because I'm convinced everything makes me "look fat." Whether or not this is actually true is irrelevant because I've found that as long as you feel unattractive, you'll look unattractive. It's weird that way.

I'm working on slowly pumping some positive energy back into my life, especially since I'm getting so sick and tired of my own moping. I can't even tell you how many times I've gotten mad at myself for being such a baby about bad hair days and "still-can't-fit-into-that-pencil-skirt" days. But I hope you guys will hang with me until I get that spring in my step again, whenever that day may come, lovely readers.

For now, here's a rather lackluster OOTD, where I buried myself under the loosest top I could find:

cami, j.crew
top, f21
cords, j.crew

sandals, aldo

bangle, kate spade

ring, f21

necklace, aerie




So as to not leave you all on a totally downer note, here's a lovely little dress I snagged last week from Ruche!


Isn't it darling? It's the 'Rays of Color' dress by Knitted Dove. I can't wait for it to get here! There's nothing quite like the promise of a pretty new frock to bring some joy, even if for just a few moments...

30 comments:

  1. Amy, you're definitely right that lots of people have been in your boat, myself included. I know the feeling you're talking about, specifically about being limited in what you can wear within your own wardrobe. It's not melodramatic, and it's good that we can share things like this with each other! I hope the spring does come back into your step, and I will fo sho be hanging in there with ya!

    I'm not sure how you find such cute things at F21 like those cords! I have pretty bad luck there. You look adorbs, as usual :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. PS- have to share, my word verification was "stripr". *commence 10-year-old giggle fit*

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh Amy. I know how you feel. I worked HARD to lose my baby weight, got to my goal weight in February of last year, then realized about a month ago that once again, I can't fit into my pants that I worked so hard to get back into. It's sad. But we need to work on exercising and eating to be healthy, to take care of ourselves, not for any other reason, and the rest will fall into place.

    Or so I hear. :)

    You are beautiful. Don't forget it.

    Come take a look inside A Working Mom's Closet

    ReplyDelete
  4. I have been feeling very similarly (and, exactly, ALWAYS have to some degree or another), but it still makes me sad to read this because you look SO FABULOUS to me! Petite, gorgeous, slender, and master of beautiful color combinations. I hope you feel better about things soon--you deserve to. The new dress looks perfect for summer. :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Back a few years ago, I got sick and had surgery and afterwards I was stick-y thin. Nowadays, when I'm feeling a little larger than normal, I'll think back fondly of my "skinnier" days and then have to stop myself. I'm so much healthier overall now and I want to weigh what I did when I was sick?! Like Melissa said, I think the point is to work towards being healthy, not towards a number on a scale.

    HOWEVER, I also know how easy it is for someone else to say that - like OK, I said it, now you're magically supposed to FEEL it. ;o) You know we all luvs you, Amy, and we'll stick by you - you've got fantastic style, a great artistic eye and a wicked sense of humor!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Amy, you are perfect the way you are. Continue to do well for yourself by sticking with your work-outs and good food, And ask God for contentment. You are not alone. Hang in there. And keep showing us that fabulous style! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. I think you look great but I hear ya! I have gained 15 lbs in the last year and finally went to the Dr since I am now running between 15-25 miles a week. They ran some tests and I am on some new meds that will hopefully help me lose the weight. I hate feeling like that about myself it impacts every part of your life. Hang in there it will all pay off eventually but know that it's ok to mope and worry about it, just don't let that become the only thing you worry about;)! You look beautiful!

    ReplyDelete
  8. I also empathize. The past year and a half I've been on much needed Lexapro but I've gained about 20 lbs. My doc put me on a low dose wellbutrin but it doesn't seem to help me lose weight. I exercise 3-4 days a week and try to eat healthy. It sucks going from a size 8 (at my skinniest) to a size 12 and I feel fat just looking at the mirror, thinking clothes don't look as good on me. My husband thinks I look beautiful but I don't. We all have our insecurities, and like Maria said, it's good to have this space to be honest about them bc we can all relate!

    I think you look gorgeous :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Sorry to hear you're feeling down...I've recently gained some weight, so I know how you feel! It is so hard to try and get back in the groove of eating well! I feel like I constantly gain and lose the same 10 pounds. Just so you know, you look great and are such a beautiful, inspiring woman!

    ReplyDelete
  10. I got to my target weight by limiting myself to diet pills, one Powerbar a day and sets of extreme exercise routines which often made me dizzy afterwards (probably from malnourishment). And though I wish I squeeze my booty into my lovely size 25 jeans, I just can't subject myself to such extreme ways just to look thin again. You've been doing so well with maintaining your workout routine and eating habits...and you know what? Those skinny bitches who are trying out the latest fad diet will be right back to their blubbery self because they never took the time to truly change their eating habits and lifestyle. Keep your chin up Amy! You are fabulous in every way!!!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Don't ever forget that YOU are FABULOUS. :)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh, how I can totally relate! Even though you look fabulous and should be patting yourself on the back for the amazing progress you've made on improving your health, when we get in the dumps, it's hard to remember that.

    I'm willing to bet that super cute dress will perk up your spirits ;-)

    ReplyDelete
  13. I feel the same way as you do right now. I have had the intention to start a fashion blog but i quickly back down from the idea after looking at my outfit pics. blegh. i feel like inspiration and creativity are also lost when i feel unattractive too. ugh maybe someday I'll be strong enough to ignore my negative thoughts and just do it.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Amy, I think so many ladies can relate to what you're going through. Hang in there, stick with your goals and stay positive, and you will feel better. You look good and HEALTHY. That's the most important thing. I lost A LOT of weight last year because of severe dysphagia, and I also felt horrible about being so thin. So it works both ways. This summer I'm almost 17 pounds heavier, and healthier, but of course my clothes are tighter and that doesn't feel so good. LOL

    Glad you shared how you're feeling. There is a lot of support and love coming your way from your blog friends. :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. Miss AmyK, your outfits and quirky posts always bring a smile to my face. This post especially affected me because I can definitely relate to not feeling my best. You are a great master of knowing your body and working with it because I've reading your blog for a while and never ever noticed the weight gain. You've been doing great towards reaching your target goal and just remember that it's a journey. The great thing is that you have that amazing dress that will just look splendid as you continue towards your goal. I've been eyeing it as well so can't wait to see it on you.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Your new dress looks gorgeous...just like the girl who bought it. I can't add anything more that what everyone else has said. Just know that you've got lots of support whenever you need to vent.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Hi! I've been following your blog for a little while now and I don't usually comment but I just wanted to say I think you have great style and no matter what you may think, you always look so put together and pretty in all your pictures! Hope you can get out of this funk quickly because I'm sure lots of people will miss your consistent posting!

    ReplyDelete
  18. Amy, you are beautiful! But, I know what you are saying. I'm struggling right now too - can't seem to motivate to loose this 10 extra pounds and worse than the weight, it how bad I feel when I'm not eating right and working out. So, I am giving myself a swift kick in the pants to get with it! Hang in there!

    ReplyDelete
  19. i know how you feel!! i feel the same way right now. :(

    http://mybeadifullife.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
  20. I just have to echo everyone else's statements and say you look great! We can all relate to that feeling.

    For years I struggled with low self-esteem issues, and went up and down weight-wise. I'm currently on the "up" of that curve, but what has helped me most is that I've learned to accept my body the way it is. Not to say that I don't yearn for the day I will fit into some clothes that I've hung onto from my past (and despite the advice people give regarding getting rid of those clothes for reasons such as self-esteem and taking up valuable real estate in the closet, I still keep some of 'em). But I don't seem to get sad as much as I before because I'm okay with my body. If I lose weight, great! But if it doesn't happen any time soon, that's okay too. You're doing great having lost 10 lbs. I wish I could say that!

    I wish you well and hope that you'll find the happiness that we all deserve :) Keep rockin' it!

    ReplyDelete
  21. I know how you feel. I like Spring and Fall because I get to dress most like "me" but once the Summer heat hits and the outfits get skimpy to prevent from sweating to death, I feel self-conscious and wonder if I'm in good enough shape to wear the clothes I wear. The only thing that makes me feel remotely better is focusing on what my body does and not how it looks. This may sound corny but exercising with the intent of safely beating my personal best keeps me motivated and my mind off of whether or not I'm "skinny". I try to replace unhelpful words like "skinny" with "healthy" and "strong". Instead of asking if my legs look slim enough in the shorts I'm wearing, I remind myself that these are the legs that ran four miles the other day and help me run for the bus that seems to leave earlier and earlier every morning! Like everyone else has said, you look beautiful but we all know how hard it is to really feel that way sometimes.

    Cheer up.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Oh Amy, I think we all can relate! I've been having less than stellar self esteem days too. For about three or four months now, I've been feeling a little low on myself. My hair, my body, my lack of money so that I can buy that fabulous perfect wardrobe that will complete my life (there is no such thing!)

    I know it's hard, but I hope we can all be honest and overcome together. I think it's hard as a fashion blogger. You see all these amazing girls who seem to have it all, everything. And then I look at my own blog, my little outfits of the day in front of a mirror that I take on my own with a shitty camera. No photographer boy to help me out and make me look awesome. But it's ok. I'm real. And you're real, and I LOVE your blog! I hope you feel better soon. Congrats on the ten pounds!

    ReplyDelete
  23. I think that you look great, but I can totally relate to how you feel. I hope that you get to your "happy" weight soon so you can rock your favorite clothes and enjoy every second of it!
    Have an awesome weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  24. Don't sweat the small stuff Amy! Whenever I am feeling down I think of all the positive things going on in your life. It helps to cheer you up & look at things in another light. You have great family, awesome style & kickass readers. : D What else could you need...

    ReplyDelete
  25. Best of luck with the energy-pumping! I hope it helps to know that you're not alone in feeling this way sometimes, and of course that you feel better again soon. I've been reading your blog a little while and have always been impressed with and inspired by your sense of style, by the way.

    ReplyDelete
  26. We have ALL felt that way. I feel that way more often than not, but you look beautiful regardless of how you feel. Hang in there!

    ReplyDelete
  27. I feel that way all the time! =( I think it's definitely just what comes with being a girl.

    I think you look wonderful right now! Love those cords!

    ReplyDelete
  28. heh...I hear you...I remember patting myself on the back post-christmas that all those glorious winter pencil skirts were still fittin' and then, um, late winter doldrums happened and I don't know if they'll even fit by fall. ugh.

    And don't get me started on...shudder...pants!

    On the other hand, dresses are awesome, since they hide all that! and this is a real beauty- I guarantee it will make you feel better!

    ReplyDelete
  29. I think we all understand... there isn't a person in the world who hasn't felt the way you do at one time or another. Even if you don't feel good about yourself I think you should continue to post... the blog world will give you love and support and you CAN and WILL continue to lose weight (not that I think you need to). I love your witty commentary just as much as your outfits :)

    ReplyDelete
  30. I'm late to the game, but that doesn't mean I'm any less heartfelt--Amy, if any of these comments are an indication, we've all been there! And none of us would be reading or sending you so many virtual love notes if we were secretly mean girls-ing you behind your back. I hope that you do find the positivity pumping back into your life, no matter what size or number on the scale you are.

    ReplyDelete